I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So apparently I’m into choking now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
