Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
