I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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