Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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