please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize