i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
