just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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