You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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