if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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