I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
