got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
