I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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