sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
