Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cockslap morals
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
