Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
