He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
