I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
