my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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