I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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