Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
