my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
