someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
