just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
