Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize