how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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