I murdered the dance floor call the cops
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
