I am in a vortex of obligation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
