Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
