just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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