I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
