last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
