we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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