You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
