So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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