We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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