Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
