Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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