Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Randomize
