but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
