he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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