I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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