I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
