like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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