Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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