woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize