none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
