I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
