I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Boobs are out for the taking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
