Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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