omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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