either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
