Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
