Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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