Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize