yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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