the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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