the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
