he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
