RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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