margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
