woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
