hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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