So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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