I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
then he tried to convert me to islam
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
