my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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