Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
