doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
