I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
