Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
