Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
