Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
