and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
