How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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