I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
