just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
