Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
